When couples are in a state of distress and hopelessness about their partnership, it’s often difficult for them to understand what healthy relationships looks like.
When people feel isolated, separate or distant from their partner, they react by becoming anxious, angry and controlling; or they can withdraw and pull into themselves. We all need good healthy relationships for survival.
Most couples understand this on some level but don’t understand what it looks like to be connected and supportive of each other.
Common Qualities in Most Healthy Relationships:
Treating Each Other with Respect, Honesty, and Integrity
It takes a great deal of courage to allow oneself to risk being open and vulnerable with another person. This is even greater when that person matters to us. Being sure to treat our partner the same way that we want to be treated strengthens our bonds. Or even better; treating them how they wish to be treated.
Offer a Safe Haven
When your partner is in distress, it’s good for them to know someone is there for them. We all need safe emotional connection; someone that we can depend on when we are upset, feeling down or feeling unsure of ourselves out in the world.
Feeling emotionally isolated from our partner is terrifying. Learning to be there for each other when needed is the ultimate act of love. And crucial for the survival of healthy relationships.
Acceptance
Be willing to accept your partner’s weaknesses, not just their strengths. Understanding where our partner is vulnerable and what their fears may be will create a sense of knowing, that builds a strong foundation upon which a relationship can grow.
We fall in love with our partner’s strengths (and they with ours), it is the vulnerabilities and fears that create the bumps that can create disconnections in the relationship.
Put Down Your Defenses
Learn to resolve conflicts in a gentle and loving way. When we feel secure with our partner, we are able to resolve differences more easily, and not get caught up with the trap of blaming each other and fighting with no resolve.
It’s not about who’s right; that does nothing but further disconnect you from your partner. Knowing that fights are protests over emotional disconnection can aid you in moving more quickly to resolution.
Show Interest
In healthy relationships, we’re always discovering new things about our partner, sharing experiences together, and being interested in what’s going on in each other’s lives. When there is a strong bond in a relationship, we are more open and curious about the things that excite our partner.
We will not be able to create a strong connection unless we allow our partner to know us truly and for us to truly know our partner. Joining with our partner in things that make them happy creates the strong connections that we yearn for.
Being Understanding
Be willing to admit your mistakes and forgive mistakes made by your partner. There is a great deal of grace in being willing to take responsibility for the things that we may have done that causes friction in our relationship.
Learning to forgive our partner when they make mistakes helps you reconnect more readily when you are upset. It breathes new life into the relationship. The willingness to attend to our partner’s deepest disclosures is the beginning of mutual responsiveness and healthy connection.
Notice the Patterns
Be aware that there is no simple cause and effect when there are bumps in the relationship. We all get triggered occasionally, and our behaviors can trigger our partner and begin a cycle that can become quite negative.
It’s what we choose to do when that happens that can either harm a relationship; or build a stronger bond with each other. Claiming your moves and emotions in a negative cycle will allow you to reach for each other and join against the negative patterns of behavior that may derail the relationship.
Let Them Know You’re There & You Care
All good healthy relationships require us to be there emotionally. Be aware of your partner’s need for reassurance and support when they are struggling. Trust is built (and maintained) in a relationship when we can let our partner know that they are still loved, even when we may be upset by their actions. Openness, attentiveness, and responsiveness are key elements of a secure relationship.
Aim For Resolve
Communicate clearly and without blame or judgment. Speak from your point of view and express the emotions that arise in a situation. Listen when asked to do so and only offer solutions if your partner lets you know that that is what they would like.
Slowing down the discussion will allow both of you to remember that you are on the same team. Working together to help each other understand what is being felt and said is the key to communication success.
Nurture Your Partner
Pay attention to your relationship and your love. Just as a flower will wilt and die if it is neglected, your relationship will also fail to thrive if you don’t take the time to nurture it.
Celebrate the big and small moments in the relationship. Love is a continual cycle of coming together and losing connection. If we trust the connection we don’t feel so much distress when there is a disagreement; ultimately then, we will know that our partner is there for us.
Going out on dates, making small gestures and creating rituals will strengthen the bond between you so that you can withstand the bumps that are inevitable in any relationship
7 Commonalities in Successful & Healthy Relationships:
There are still common principles in all relationships for it to be meaningful, essential and exciting. Here are a handful of helpful things to practice:
1. Establish a Deeper Connection
Take the time to get involved and share experiences with them. Also; Instead of focusing on his or her flaws; divert your attention to their many wonderful qualities. And Appreciate their willingness to love you unconditionally.
Always find time to do activities together such as cooking, baking, walking, watching television and eating because in that way, you will know them more and the connection between the two of you will become stronger.
2. Solving Conflict
Conflict is the spice and an unavoidable thing to any relationship. It is important that at the beginning, both of you acknowledge the problem. In that way, you will be able to talk about the issues and if you are to be blamed for what happened.
Accept it whole heartedly, and apologize sincerely when you have done something wrong. Doing so lightens the conflict, and the partner will also take an effort to solve it. Keeping quiet is never a solution to it; it will just heighten up the issue and add resentment.
3. Communicating Fully
Communication does not only mean that you have to talk, but it also means that you have to tell anything to your partner in all honesty. Direct communication is essential for all relationships because when both of you shares openly your desires, needs, fears and worries, both of you feel that you trust each other.
4. Keeping the Element of Surprise
Once in a while, surprising your partner is also helpful to make a relationship last. Even small things are memorable to each one when you give them surprisingly. Remember, it’s the thought that counts.
Cooking for them is also heartwarming, as they say; “a way to the man’s/girl’s heart is through their stomach.” Even if you feel the relationship is boring for a moment, surprising him or her is of aid to bring back the spark and spice of the relationship.
5. Laughter
Even in the hardest situations, humor is a great therapy, and one of the key factors in long lasting relationships. Studies show that laughter is one of the main components to keep strong loving bonds long term.
Show your partner the funny side of you. Crack some jokes to lighten the air; even if it’s senseless. Tickle their funny bone until they tickle you back. Both of you may not have laughed at your jokes, but you may all laugh at how stupid you get because of each other.
6. Compromise
Healthy relationships are built on giving and taking. Never expect more on your relationship because disappointment will happen. Like anything; you always get out what you put in.
When you give, it should be because you want to and you care. Not for the sake of getting something in return. By keeping the right heart and disposition, your partner will feel your sense of care and compassion.
Removing the expectation of perfection allows one partner to make a mistake without judgment, fear, or betrayal. Always recognize what is important to your partner as it builds the feeling of support and compromise.
7. Embracing the Ups and Downs
The nature of any relationship entails going through the highest and lowest points in your life. The downs are stress factors that cannot be avoided, and they can make you short-tempered, thus adding more conflict to the problem. First, always accept that both of you are going to go through such problems.
Do not blame each other of why it happened. Instead, take the time to solve it and if there’s a need to change, accept the change. Love and support each other through it. Because love is all about caring and being there for one another.
